Why I can't get back to reality??

What is wrong with me?? This is not the usual me. The usual me is no matter what happens, I will be able to solve it and live life happily. But now its like I know it can be settle soon and everything will be fine, but it seems like I don't want to solve it but to live in dreamland. Aaarrrggghhh!!!! I feel so stupid. So useless for not being able to solve the problem. Why does it seem like everything is my fault?? Am I to be blamed for all that had happen?? But its not even my fault. I'm innocent man. I've wasted my life all this while just for this stupid thing when I can actually worry less about it and leave it to God. Sometimes it seems like its all over and settled, but it struck me again and I realise its not settled yet. Why can't I just be left alone and live happily and not worry so much?? Why must it bother me so much?? WHY????? (God, I know I can actually leave it to You, and enjoy the bright side of life, but why must I be so stubborn?? God, I really hope that I can leave it all to You and not worry about a thing anymore. I hope I can be like the usual me. I don't want to continue dreaming. What's holding me back from it?? I need an answer.) I feel so painful inside. I can't talk to anyone. I really need to breathe!!! On the outside, I seem happy and enjoying every minute of my life, but in the inside, I'm bleeding badly. I don't feel like doing anything, just wanna give up everything and enjoy life like nobody's business. Haih....hope I can get out of this soon. The sooner the better. But I know I can't just complain and not do anything. Hopefully I can do what God wants me to do.

~Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hands, cause I can't do this on my own I'm letting go so give me one more chance to save me from this road I'm on, Jesus take the wheel~